the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
