Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
