i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
