and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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