Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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