He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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