the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my gift to your gina
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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