I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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