Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
