when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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