I'm gonna have a badass scar
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
