Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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