Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
