he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
