I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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