He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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