Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
