I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
