I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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