I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
