Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This is my life. Enjoy the view
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
