We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
