Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
