Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
