I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
