Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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