Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
