When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
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I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
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We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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