Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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