wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
