I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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