DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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