yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
