about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize