Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
