Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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