I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
