im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
