And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
