she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
