I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
