and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
