in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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