Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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