tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
