dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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