so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize