i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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