She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
