I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
