I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He better not be in your backpack
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
