just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
