then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I need moral support for this bender
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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