Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
