my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize