Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
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She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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