My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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