Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
