Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
