is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
