Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
