it was like his penis was on wheels.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
