haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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