Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We are two peas in an std pod
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
