i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
