she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
