Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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