My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
