Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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