conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
