I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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