by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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