last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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