planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Boobs are out for the taking
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
