see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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