mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize