Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Randomize
