How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
