Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
