just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
