dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I smell like Dick and happiness
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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