all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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