Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
